Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?

Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?

Pupil: The moon.

Teacher: Why?

Pupil: The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it

Microsoft Excel Shortcut Keys

Ctrl+Z	Undo
Ctrl+C  Enter,  Ctrl+V  Ctrl+X	Copy,  Paste,  Multiple Paste, Cut
Ctrl+F,  Ctrl+H	Find,  Find&Replace
Ctrl+P,  Ctrl+S, Ctrl+F4, Alt+F4	Print,  Save, Close,  Close  Excel
Ctrl+Arrow	Move  to edge of region
Ctrl+*	Select  current region
Ctrl+A	Select  all cells
Ctrl+Home Ctrl+End	Select  A1,  Select  last cell in used range
Ctrl+Shift+End	Select  from active cell to last cell in used range.
Ctrl+Shift+Home	Select  from active cell to A1
Ctrl+Page  Down  Ctrl+Page  Up	Move  to the next sheet,  Move  to the previous sheet
Ctrl+Tab	Move  to next open workbook
Ctrl+N	Open  new workbook
Shift+F11	Insert  new worksheet
Shift+F3	Paste  function window
=+FunctionName+Ctrl+A	Insert  new function
Alt+F11	Open  VBE
Ctrl+Shift+Enter	Array  formula
Ctrl+F3,  F3	Define  name, Paste name
Ctrl+Spacebar  Shift+Spacebar	Select  columns, Select rows
Ctrl+1,  Ctrl+B, Ctrl+U	Format  cells, Bold, Underline
Ctrl+;  , Ctrl+shift+:	Current  date, Current time

SIZE AND TEARS

WHEN on the sandy shore I sit,
Beside the salt sea-wave,
And fall into a weeping fit
Because I dare not shave -
A little whisper at my ear
Enquires the reason of my fear.

I answer "If that ruffian Jones
Should recognize me here,
He'd bellow out my name in tones
Offensive to the ear:
He chaffs me so on being stout
(A thing that always puts me out)."

Ah me! I see him on the cliff!
Farewell, farewell to hope,
If he should look this way, and if
He's got his telescope!
To whatsoever place I flee,
My odious rival follows me!

For every night, and everywhere,
I meet him out at dinner;
And when I've found some charming fair,
And vowed to die or win her,
The wretch (he's thin and I am stout)
Is sure to come and cut me out!

The girls (just like them!) all agree
To praise J. Jones, Esquire:
I ask them what on earth they see
About him to admire?
They cry "He is so sleek and slim,
It's quite a treat to look at him!"

They vanish in tobacco smoke,
Those visionary maids -
I feel a sharp and sudden poke
Between the shoulder-blades -
"Why, Brown, my boy! You'r growing stout!"
(I told you he would find me out!)

"My growth is not YOUR business, Sir!"
"No more it is, my boy!
But if it's YOURS, as I infer,
Why, Brown, I give you joy!
A man, whose business prospers so,
Is just the sort of man to know!

"It's hardly safe, though, talking here -
I'd best get out of reach:
For such a weight as yours, I fear,
Must shortly sink the beach!" -
Insult me thus because I'm stout!
I vow I'll go and call him out!

Lewis Caroll

I'm a lawyer

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

Rainy

How are you EYNI, YANI and HEANI?

Smile, Smile, Smile

Head to limp head, the sunk-eyed wounded scanned

Yesterday's Mail; the casualties (typed small)
And (large) Vast Booty from our Latest Haul.
Also, they read of Cheap Homes, not yet planned;
For, said the paper, "When this war is done
The men's first instinct will be making homes.
Meanwhile their foremost need is aerodromes,
It being certain war has just begun.
Peace would do wrong to our undying dead, --
The sons we offered might regret they died
If we got nothing lasting in their stead.
We must be solidly indemnified.
Though all be worthy Victory which all bought,
We rulers sitting in this ancient spot
Would wrong our very selves if we forgot
The greatest glory will be theirs who fought,
Who kept this nation in integrity."
Nation? --  The half-limbed readers did not chafe
But smiled at one another curiously
Like secret men who know their secret safe.
This is the thing they know and never speak,
That England one by one had fled to France
(Not many elsewhere now save under France).
Pictures of these broad smiles appear each week,
And people in whose voice real feeling rings
Say:  How they smile!  They're happy now, poor things.

Wilfred Owen